“DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day” 5-4-23

–It’s interesting how quickly ‘too drunk to cook a frozen pizza’ can become ‘sober enough to fight a fire’.

–Without a doubt, the old wive’s tale about a demon reaching up and grabbing your limbs if you dangle them off the bed at night was started by a cat owner.

–Cutting up sandpaper is probably the closest thing to playing rock-paper-scissors by yourself.

–Many people have tried to make imitation meat from vegetables, but no one has bothered to make imitation vegetables from meat.

–If laundry baskets were the same shape and volume of washing machine drums it’d be easier to see when there was the right amount of clothes to wash.

–Nothing clings more stubbornly to past glories than the plastic dish you once used to store tomato sauce.

–The reason flies are so dang fast is because our ancestors smooshed all the slow ones.

–By combining a laundry room with a walk-in closet you would take out a minimum of 50-65% of the hassle of doing laundry.

–There comes a point in life where people telling you “look how big you have gotten” stops being a compliment.

–You can convince anyone online anything, if you put “says scientists” at the end, …says scientists.

–A penny saved is actually better than a penny earned because the penny saved has already been taxed.