Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZ-DUM for the Week” 1-18-24

–First and foremost, waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
–I think this generation will have to go into separate rooms and text each other to best work out their problems.
–When you write the letter “u” instead of spelling out “y–o–u”, what do you do with all the time you save?
–Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
–Have hope for the future, but maybe build a bomb shelter anyway.
–Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.
–If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
–Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages: Need I say more?
–Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
–Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
–If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
–You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
–I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.
–I’ve updated my New Year’s resolution to helping all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
–Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
–Tug-of-war should really be named war-of-tug.
–You go to college to pay for college.
–Abbreviate Neil Armstrong’s name as Neil A. and then say it backwards.
–Sucking on hard candies is basically drinking your favorite flavored spit.