Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZ-DUM for the Day” 9-14-23

–People shorten Mayonnaise to Mayo but there is no shortened form of Worcestershire, which is way more laborious.
–Conspiracy theorists seem to forget how hard it is for even two people to keep a secret.
–The brain is the smartest organ in your body… according to the brain.
–You can say “have a nice day” and there’s no problem. But you can’t say “enjoy the next 24 hours!” and NOT sound vaguely threatening.
–A sandwich is just a salad with really big croutons.
–The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called “Knees and Toes,” disappoints me.
–If it weren’t for movies, the average person would probably have no idea what an elevator shaft looks like.
–The first option in any automated phone menu should be: “If you’re super angry and just want to talk to a live person, PRESS 1.”
–The goal is to be responsible with my money, so that I can afford to be irresponsible with my money.
–Strip clubs and museums have the same basic rule, Look, but DON’T touch.”
–The human body is relatively quiet for everything it does.
–When filling up on gas, men are probably more likely to shake the gas nozzle before putting it back, than women are.
–Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of accidentally losing grip of a balloon.
–Imagine being completely naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and they all want to touch you. Welcome to the life of a dog.
–The fact that there’s a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about human morality.
–If you’re one in a million, then there’s 7,125 people exactly like you.
–Somebody at Google was just like “yea, just have someone drive down every road on earth”.