Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day”

–Turning the music down helps you see better in parking lots.

–When you sleep with your arms on top of your bedding, you are a human paperclip.

–A kiss is technically a headbutt, just not as violent.

–When someone in your neighborhood is having a BBQ, it must be the same feeling when sharks smell blood in the water.

–Weird how shoelaces untie themselves and headphone cords tie themselves.

–I’d hit the gym and get ripped too if I was offered 10 million bucks for 6 months work on a movie.

–Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 2 seconds, but instead, I’m gonna run it over 19 times with my vacuum at different angles.

–I’m far more skeptical of meat I cook for myself than a hamburger made by an underpaid/overworked teenage stranger who passes food to me through my car window.

–If you ever feel useless, just be glad you’re not the person who writes the “Terms and Conditions.”

–As a kid, we were told not to swallow gum because it takes 7 years to break down in a body. What should have been mentioned far more often is that unfavorable data on a credit report takes 7 years to remove, which is way more important and relevant.

–Give a man a bro, he’ll chill for a day. Teach a man to chill, he’ll have bros for life.