Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day” 

–You only technically have one birthday, the rest are just congratulations for surviving. (Hey, you’re STILL alive…way to go)

–Being a truck driver for a company that transports eggs must be an extremely stressful job.

–Eventually, when everyone’s car is fully autonomous, we are going to get charged money for our cars to get somewhere before someone else’s.

–The person who came up with the word for “Fireplaces,” really didn’t put much effort into it.

–If your food says “Enjoy” at the end of the cooking instructions, you can’t complain to the company if you didn’t like it, since you technically didn’t follow the instructions.

–Every mistake a king or queen makes is a royal screw-up.

–Q-tips, Kleenex, floss, nose hair trimmers—a lot of industries out there are devoted to removing things from inside your head.

–Biting your tongue while eating is an example of how you can still mess something up with decades of experience.

–People used to have diaries and would get mad if somebody read it. Now, they put everything online and get mad if people don’t read it.

–Santa must have a bunch of elves working in coal mines to supply the naughty children, it’s just a theory.