“Wake the Lakes DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day”

–Dad jokes are where a man’s creative energies go when it is no longer appropriate to use pick up lines.

–People who own big houses or apartments will never know the joy of vacuuming the whole house in 5 minutes using one outlet.

–Smart TVs aren’t going to be technically smart until they can increase volume when crunchy food is detected.

–Based on the amount of people who seem to actually use their turn signals when driving, it’s a good thing that reverse lights turn on automatically.

–Strangely nearly all superpowers, whether mutant, alien, radiation, etc. come with incredible sewing and costume making skills.

–“No alcohol beyond this point” might as well say, “Bet you can’t chug that whole beer.”

–Hand dryers are a really good way to waste 45 seconds before you wipe your hands on your pants.

–The pencil to eraser ratio is really too optimistic.

–Dating is just a series of interviews to become a partner at a two-person company whose only mission is sustaining mutual happiness.

–I wonder how many people have a picture of me riding a thrilling amusement park ride with them in their house.

–At some point, I worry that self-driving cars will go a route just to ensure you see certain stores or billboards, the real world equivalent of a pop-up ad.

–Gravity is always trying to take your pants off.