Wake the Lakes DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day

–Biscuits and gravy are weird because it’s like, ‘Here’s some really wet flour poured over some really dry flour.’

–Being ‘on your phone all day’ went from sounding very sociable to very unsociable within the span of a decade.

–An “everything bagel” is proof that you can seemingly have it all and still have a hole inside you.

–One day your parents put you down and never picked you up again.

–I wonder how much money the phrase “Keep the change” has cost me so far.

–We commonly use whoever, whatever, wherever, and whenever, but never whyever.

–Terror and Horror are synonyms, but Terrific and Horrific are antonyms.

–Pressing the ‘lock’ button on your car key fob multiple times is the grown-up version of saving your game twice.

–A seat warmed by a machine feels nice and cozy, but a seat warmed by another human just feels gross.