Wake the Lakes DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day”

–Giving somebody CPR is like blowing into a classic video game cartridge to make it work again.

–The more people talk about the Powerball drawing at your work, the more likely you’re all underpaid and overworked.

–Fun size candy bars are much less fun than normal sized candy bars.

–When you get married you roughly double your chances of being related to a terrible human.

–It must really be annoying to a singer to have their own song stuck in their head.

–When it comes to age,  53 seems a lot closer to 60 than 23 does to 30.

–Mothers only get a day, but sharks get a whole week.

–George Orwell predicted cameras watching us in our homes, but he didn’t predict that we would buy and install them ourselves.

–If you run at 11pm you are a night person. If you run at 5am you are a morning person. If you run at 3am you are a suspicious person.

–There should be a reality show where “flat-earth believers” have to find the edge of the world.