Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day”

–Food doesn’t really go ‘bad’, technically something just starts eating it before you do.

–When I drive with my left hand, the lives of the people in my car are held by something I can’t even write my name with.

–A zombie outbreak could be prevented if people were buried with their shoelaces tied together.

–The amount of public bathroom stall graffiti has drastically declined since the widespread use of smartphones.

–When you want to make sure a piece of paper doesn’t get folded, you put it in something called a folder.

–The only time I’ve ever used the panic button on my car key is when I accidentally pressed it, causing me to panic.

–By the end of this century people will start looking up their ancestors on Facebook.

–One of the lesser known advantages of owning a cat is that they will alert you if a red dot from a sniper rifle appears on your body by frantically jumping on you.

–When I procrastinate, “current me” really expects a lot out of “future me.”

–Did you know…that exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.