Wake The Lakes Dimwit-ZZZZ-Dumb for the Day

–There’s a massive difference between eating ramen noodles because you want to and eating them because you have to.

–There are 1.2 billion cars on the road right now. One of our biggest goals is to keep them from touching.

–The speed limit is the maximum speed you can go by the law and also basically the minimum speed you can go without making everybody else angry.

–It’s a special kind of gratification when the slow car you’re stuck behind turns away, and you speed up to show the people behind you that you weren’t the one clogging up traffic.

–Without Mister T, “I pity the fool” would sound like something out of a Shakespeare play.

–Generally speaking of plants, if you consume it and something good happens, it’s medicine. If you consume it and something bad happens, its poison. If you consume it and nothing happens, it’s salad. If you consume it and the walls start melting, it’s a controlled substance.

–Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.

–Marriage is one of the few things where we consider someone an expert if they’ve only successfully done it once.

–USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.

–Parents begging for grandchildren have the same mentality as a child begging for a puppy: they get all of the cute with none of the work.

–Saying that you speak without an accent is like saying your email was not typed in a font.

–The sofa people and the door frame people need to sit down and sort out this whole width business.