Wake the Lakes “DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day”

–My debit card pays for things with past hours of my life, and my credit card pays with future hours of my life.

–If Goldilocks tried three beds, then Momma Bear and Daddy Bear slept separately. Baby Bear is probably the only thing keeping the family together.

–If colleges really want to prepare high school students for today’s job market, then they should only accept students who have “at least 2-3 years college experience.”

–You know you’re an adult when your house makes noises and you’re scared it’s an expensive repair bill and not a monster.

–Anything is a UFO if you’re stupid enough.

–“Probiotic” sounds a lot better than “bacteria infested”.

–If there was a picture of every Joe in the world, we’d finally be able to see what the average Joe looks like.

–There are probably thousands of video tapes buried in time capsules that will be unwatchable because VCRs were not buried with them.

–I feel like every year there is an event where they say “the moon only looks like this every 100 years”.

–As long as each proceeding generation can say to the prior, “You kids have it easy!”, we’ll know that humanity is improving.

–Paying for contact lenses every month is essentially paying a monthly subscription to see life in High Definition.

–I think a good response to “you don’t take criticism well” is “You’re probably right, thanks for the feedback.”