Wake the Lakes DIMWIT-ZZZZ-DUMB for the Day Thanksgiving Edition

–Thanksgiving leftovers probably taste better because you get to eat them alone.

—Thanksgiving is a holiday where we’re thankful for everything that we already have but the very next day, Black Friday, is a day where some trample and stampede each other for the things that they don’t have.

–An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

–There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving, even if it’s just not being a turkey.  

–If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkey. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.

–Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise obesity statistics.

–Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

–Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.

–And finally, may your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have not a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!”