–We are the last generation that knows what life was like BEFORE social media. –Anybody that questions why you are shoveling 6 inches of snow in the *middle* of a snowstorm hasn’t shoveled 12 inches of snow at the end of a snowstorm. –Extra fries in your bag is going to become a thing of…
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–The meaning of life… is in the dictionary. –The fact that bodies decompose and rot after they die just shows how much our bodies do to keep us alive from contaminates. –The word “Fat” looks like someone just took a bite out of the first letter of the word “Eat.” –Old TV static was a…
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–Ouija Boards say “Ages 8+.” So, you have to be 21 to drink, but can summon the dead at age 8. –When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed…room, but less bedroom. –The trees cut down to make Jenga Blocks are repeatedly forced to relive their own death. –The only thing separating you…
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–Because of the word, “indescribable” everything can be described. –Salt is the only rock that is socially acceptable to eat. –If you’re being chased by a serial killer, you’re both running for your life. –Earth is a wet rock that has been sitting for so long, stuff has started to grow on it. – A…
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–Let’s take a moment to appreciate that mother-nature not only pre-sliced, but also pre-wrapped oranges. –Cars should have two horns: one is a “nice” one, the other is a “mean” one. –A group of squid should be called a squad. –We say “hair” when referring to lots of it but we say “hairs” when referring…
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–Manuals for TVs are regarded as useless, but in five thousand years they are as valuable as the Rosetta Stone: Most of those manuals have the same text in over 20 different languages and alphabets. –Tom and Jerry are best friends. But Tom has to pretend to hate Jerry in order to protect (Jerry) so…
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–If there is a war on Christmas, then Christmas is winning. It has taken over the territories of both October and November from opposing factions: Halloween and Thanksgiving. –You never realize how few original Christmas songs there are until you work in retail (or radio), and have to hear the same 6 songs sung by…
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– Using acronyms as a tool to remember complex information is the brain’s way of compressing data to reduce file size. –Someone in the future is going to manage to get malware on their cybernetic implant. –A middle finger is halfway to a peace sign. –In a thousand years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and…
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–Thanksgiving leftovers probably taste better because you get to eat them alone. —Thanksgiving is a holiday where we’re thankful for everything that we already have but the very next day, Black Friday, is a day where some trample and stampede each other for the things that they don’t have. –An optimist is a person who…
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–You can’t get in a store and buy clothes if you don’t already own clothes. –The recipe for success and the recipe for disaster differ by only one ingredient: luck –Your alarm sound is technically your theme song, since it plays at the start of every episode. –The youngest picture of you is also the…
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